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Today was friend Bruce's last day at work; he's moving on to bigger and better. In 3 1/2 years he became one of my closest friends and the person I told EVERYTHING to--he was my confidant, my sounding board, my source of advice. Things are gonna be awfully quiet around the office now.
Interesting piece on 'emotional affairs' here. Is that really cheating? I know if I had a wife (or even a girlfriend) I wouldn't be happy out it...
You want some good laughs? Be with a friend of yours when he's buying Preparation H wipes and stool softener. "You sure you don't need a price check on that ma'am?" You might want to lay off on the concrete each morning for breakfast. Who needs stool softener? And what exactly is that? Paint thinner?
Went out to dinner with my nephew Ross tonight then saw "The Devil's Rejects." Pretty good movie, especially when you consider it's only Rob Zombie's second attempt at writing and directing. It wasn't the 'slasher flick' I thought it would be and didn't have as much killing as there should have been but is worth the money if you enjoy those types of films. It was a trip seeing Priscilla Barnes from "Three's Company" with a significant role. I didn't even know she was still acting; haven't seen her since she played the topless fortune teller with three boobs in "Mallrats." I'll never forget this classic line from that movie: "I'm gonna have sex with your girlfriend in a very, uncomfortable place. And I don't mean the back of a Volkswagen." Great stuff.
It's so cool hanging out with my nephew now that he's 19, our relationship has a completely different dynamic. We ran into some of his friends at the theater and they were BAKED. Funny how I can pick that up so easily where my parents couldn't. I told Ross it was so obvious they were stoned and he said they were big smokers now so he doesn't really hang out with them anymore. His parents aren't exactly great influences or role models so I felt compelled to talk to him about drugs. I told him he's an adult now so I wasn't going to tell him what to do or not to do, but I warned him about the dangers of the hard shit (coke, ecstasy, meth, acid, crack, smack, etc.) and told him some horror stories featuring friends of mine. He said he drinks alcohol and only gets high every now and then. He's got his head on straight and I think he respects what I have to say. Good kid that one is. If only his younger brother was half the young man he is...
Mom and Dad come back from their 5 week vacation on Saturday. I hate to sound like a 'mama's boy', but I can't wait 'till they get back. I don't like not having my mother around. As much as I can't stand the climate and 'cultural diversity' down here, I could never move away while they were still alive. Besides, they've done so much for me above and beyond the call of duty in my lifetime, I think kids are responsible to help look out for their parents when they get older. Call me 'old fashioned'...
Did you happen to notice the front page of today's Miami Herald or Nuevo Herald? The lead story was the suicide of former Miami Commissioner Art Teele. Here's the picture that accompanied the story, again, on the front page:
Lovely. So much for inspiring the kids to read the paper each day. Now I admit I have a very, very strong stomach (except for when it comes to odors) and have seen only a couple of things in my lifetime that were too much for me; I even own a copy of "Bud Dwyer Ventilates His Head" (Google 'R. Bud Dwyer' if you're clueless). But I don't think it's remotely appropriate to put an image like that on the front page of a fucking newspaper! Does anyone else see a problem with this?
And I love the hypocrisy of those allegedly looking out for the best interests of us and our society. Earlier this month there was a huge stink made by Senator Hillary Clinton and others when it was discovered that a patch could be downloaded so players of the video game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" could enjoy a scene featuring simulated sex. The makers of the game were forced to pull it from the shelves and change the rating from 'M' ("content that may be suitable for persons of age 17 years and older") to 'AO' ("content that should only be played by persons 18 years and older"). Yet a child can walk into any store, drop 25 cents on the counter and walk out with a copy of the Miami Herald.
Now I ask you: as a parent, which would you be more concerned about your impressionable child witnessing: the gory picture above of a dying man lying on the floor while a pool of blood flows from his head, or simulated sex between two video game characters?
And the best part of the uproar regarding "Grand Theft Auto" is that they are upset about simulated sex in a video game in which you steal cars, shoot cops and traffic drugs. They could care less about children being exposed to these concepts, but sex??? How dare we pollute these young skulls full of mush with such an unholy thing as sex! What the fuck has happened to our priorities?
Again, put out an A.P.B. for common sense...
Here's a great quote from my friend Bruce today: "I've been showering with guys my entire life." Oh man, what am I gonna do without him when he leaves for his new job?
Speaking of work, more interesting goings on at the office. The owner's daughter, who plays a pretty significant role with one of our clients, quit today with no notice. Quite the dysfunctional place. You could make a pretty interesting reality TV show out of it.
Speaking of reality TV shows, at 8:00 tonight I'm flipping the dial trying in vain to find something to watch. On 5 of the 6 major non-cable networks there were reality shows: the former trio (now a duo) TLC looking for a member on WB, some Tommy Hilfiger fashion show on CBS, "Brat Camp" (wish I could have sent my nephew Dru for that one) on ABC, "Average Joe" on NBC, and "American Idol the dance contest" on Fox. Are all the television writers on strike? Or are we all so bored with our own lives that we have to play 'peeping tom' on others'?
In my earlier post from today where I talked about the bill in New Jersey to ban smoking while driving I posted a link to an article regarding the issue. Here's a snippet: "Assemblyman John McKeon, a tobacco opponent whose father died of emphysema, sponsored the legislation. He cites a AAA-sponsored study on driver distractions in which the automobile association found that of 32,000 accidents linked to distraction, 1 percent were related to smoking." Hey douchebag, I'm willing to bet that at least 90 percent of the other 32,000 accidents linked to distraction were due to drivers using cellphones. Try passing laws (and actively enforcing them) prohibiting the use of cell phones while operating a motor vehicle! Leave the fucking smokers alone, we're hassled enough already.
My ailing back hasn't gotten any better. If I were a race horse they'd shoot me. So I called my primary physician today to get a referral to see an orthopedist. They told me I have to come in and see him in order for him to give me a referral. Gotta love HMOs. Not only do I have to pay the co-pay to see him, but that means I have to wait even longer to finally get to the specialist. Sure, I've only been in an obscene amount of agony for 6 weeks and can now barely turn my head to the right, what's a few more days. Fucking sadists.
You know that concept where every time you drop a piece of toast it lands face down? My little cat, Bella, is suffering from hairballs, which causes her to vomit every now and then. The past 2 days I came home from work to find she had thrown up on my bed. The entire apartment is tiled, why is it that every time she gets ill she happens to be lying on my bed? Throw me a friggin' bone once in a while and puke on the floor. At least hang your head off the end of the bed. I'm running out of comforters here! "How come it never rains, it only pours..."
What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? Eventually a canoe is gonna tip.
Bush is Not an American
by Doug Thompson
Too damn bad. I really don’t give a flying fuck who gets bent out of shape. That’s their problem. With Bush and his gang of goons at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue so hell-bent at destroying the Constitution and America, I don’t have time to be polite. Bush is a heartless bastard who doesn’t play by the rules so why should those of us who still love this country too much to see it destroyed by this madman?
This is no longer an issue of differing political opinions or philosophies. This is war, a fight for survival of a once-great nation called America and war calls for street rules.
In other words: No rules.
Bush, in my opinion, is criminally insane, a pill-popping dry drunk whose erratic behavior and reckless actions threaten world peace and the future of this nation far more than any Islam-spouting religious fanatic. He is an enemy of the state, a mood-swinging despot who threatens the very freedoms that form the foundation for this country. He has created a police state where basic American freedoms have vanished under an politically-exaggerated threat to national scrutiny, milked the human tragedy of 9/11 for his personal agenda and ripped the Constitution to shreds through the USA Patriot Act, a rights-robbing piece of legislation put together by his former attorney general, the bible-thumping John Ashcroft, an inept former Senator who couldn’t even win an election against a dead man.
George W. Bush is also not an American. He and his daddy sold their souls and their loyaltiy long ago to Saudi oil interests, particularly the bin Laden family (yes, the same bin Ladens whose relative masterminded the 9/11 attacks). The bin Ladens, laundering money through Dubya’s old Texas Air Guard buddy James Bath (the North American representative for the bin Laden family bank), bailed out Bush on his failed business adventures and then bankrolled his first run for Texas governor.
According to Craig Unger, author of House of Bush, House of Saud, the Bush family has, over the years, received some $480 million from the Saudi business interests, including the bin Laden family. Bush is a politician and politicians are, by rote, for sale to the highest bidder so you tell us: Has anyone outbid the Saudis and the bin Ladens for Bush’s loyalty?
Having a President on the payroll of the family of the man who killed 3,000 plus Americans on September 11, 2001, raises a very real concern that Bush’s illegal and immoral actions are a lot more than just politics as usual. It may explain the decision to all-but-abandon the search for bin Laden in Afghanistan and move American military resources to the ill-conceived invasion of Iraq. It took less than a year to capture Saddam Hussein yet bin Laden is still at large nearly four years after the September 11 attacks.
All this suggests to me that the President of the United States owes a lot more to his Saudi money boys than he does to the country he has sworn to serve. It tells me the President of the United States is a traitor.
Traitors should not be President. They should be arrested, tried and, upon conviction, punished for their crimes against their country.
And, as far as I’m concerned, anyone who continues to support this traitor to America is equally guilty of treason.
Don’t like those characterizations? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn if it pisses you off because I do give a damn about my country. It's just too fucking bad that you don't.
This is it, I've had enough, I'm done. A bill has been introduced into the New Jersey state legislature that would make it illegal to smoke in cars, a crime punishable by a fine of up to $250. Are you fucking kidding me? Where do legislators get off thinking they can tell me I can't smoke in the confines of my OWN GODDAMN CAR? What next, a law banning smoking in my home? Look, I understand the government is concerned about my well being--no, actually they are concerned with the financial well being of their buddies in the insurance industry--but you've already taxed the shit out of cigarettes and made it illegal to smoke in bars, restaurants, airplanes and sporting events. Aren't we going a bit overboard here with cars? I love the 'no smoking' at open-air stadiums like Dolphins Stadium (formerly Joe Robbie Stadium). It's open-fucking-air!
Beware people, Big Brother is slowly but surely chipping away at our constitutional rights and privacy. After banning smoking in our own homes they'll try to ban anything other than missionary-position-sex-in-the-bed-with-the-lights-off. Maybe even make us screw through a hole in a sheet like those Jewish extremists. I hate quoting a Nazi, but they'll have to take the cigarettes out of "my cold, dead hands" to keep me from smoking in my own car. Make sure your passports are up to date, despite entering the 21st century this country is headed ass backwards to puritanism and biblical law in a hurry.
Well so much for the online dating scam. I did not renew my JDate subscription on Friday and surprisingly have not been e-mailed. Either I was wrong about their practices or they haven't gotten around to it yet. Regardless, all is quiet on the dating front and should be for some time. I guess it's for the best as it wouldn't really be fair to date someone while still longing for another.
I'm making progress getting over the 'ex'. I still think about her, daily, but I've accepted it's over and am moving on. It sucks, knowing that she'll be a star in someone else's sky. It sucks shit. But it's certainly easier without having contact with her. As much as I hope she knocks on my door one day and there's a 'happily ever after' ending, I wasn't ready to be just friends. Maybe someday...
Cousin Bruce's wedding is less than two weeks away and I still haven't written my speech yet. No worries though--it's less than four minutes and I work best against a deadline. I have an idea of where I'll go with it and once I start writing I'm sure it will just flow. Damn, I wish I had paid attention to the speeches at the weddings I've been to. What does the 'best man' usually say? I'd like to be a little more original than "I love this guy and she's a great girl and they're perfect together, blah, blah, blah." Any tips?
Friend Bruce's last day at work is Friday--he's off to bigger and better. I can't say the timing is good as I've had enough of this people walking out of my life shit. Girlfriend bids me "via con Dios," best friend Rick just went back to California after spending a few weeks here, now the guy I went to lunch with 3 days a week and shared several good belly laughs with each day is going to work elsewhere. I grew close to Bruce during the three and a half years we worked together. I spent more time with him than anyone else in my world and shared things with him I didn't with anyone else. He was like my second shrink. Those forty hours a week in the office sure won't be the same. Hopefully it will motivate me to get out of there myself, as he was the only thing that made that place remotely tolerable. And they say being sensitive is a good quality...
Yesterday I went to get fitted for my tux for cousin Bruce's wedding. Finally. It's two weeks away. While I was in there it hit me: Bruce is getting married, and I'm the 'best man'. That's a lot of pressure for me. It shouldn't be, right? All I really have to do is dance with the 'maid of honor' and make a toast. But I don't dance and who likes public speaking? Yet while I was being measured I couldn't help but feel honored that he asked me to be 'best man'. I was blown away when he asked; I never in a million years would have imagined he would choose me. I'm genuinely touched. Let's just pray that I don't cry while making my toast. LOL
Don't you hate it when someone tells you a secret about someone else then says "but don't tell them and act surprised when they finally tell you." Who am I, Johnny fucking Depp? Who says I know how to act? When I was in radio I was given a promotion to produce a new show. Only the new show wasn't starting immediately and I was going to have to work with the guy that was being replaced. And of course, I was told "don't tell him he's gonna be fired and act surprised when he learns about it and tells you." No, that wasn't uncomfortable or anything. The guy was so upbeat when I started working with him, telling me about all these new ideas he had for his show. When he was let go he was devastated and I couldn't help but feel guilty knowing about it the whole time but not letting him know.
Yesterday someone told me they would be breaking up with their significant other, who I am close with, closer than the person who broke the news to me. Why do people do that? It certainly puts you in an awkward position, and forces you to be a good actor. Just leave me the fuck out of it. If you're thinking of sharing something with me that impacts someone else I know, keep it to yourself. I don't want to get involved. I've got enough issues on my own thank you.
So I didn't renew my subscription to JDate. Now I'll get e-mails like nobodies business, I guarantee it. It always happens. I'm convinced it's a scam by these online dating sites. They have staff members create profiles but set them so they are hidden from searches. Then, when people don't renew their subscription, they have them send e-mails to those former members. You can't see who sent you an e-mail if you are not a paying customer, so you have no idea who it's from. "Maybe it's the girl of my dreams, my soulmate!" Unless you can fight off the curiosity you shell out your money to renew. It's the perfect scam. Quite brilliant actually. It's been 24 hours since I canceled my membership; let's see how long it takes for the first e-mail to come in. I'll keep you posted.
Check out this brilliant writer's work.
My older nephew, Ross, called me today to invite me to see "The Devil's Rejects" with him. It's a slasher flick from Rob Zombie, the sequel to "House of 1,000 Corpses." He's enjoyed scary movies his whole life. We saw "House" together and he wanted to see the sequel with me. God bless the boy. An uncle and his nephew enjoying chills, thrills, blood and guts. Is that bonding or what?
Now the other nephew... He started his first job a couple of weeks ago at a Subway in Boca. Found out today he was fired. His version is he told a customer his wife was "hot," but telling the truth was never his strong suit. My guess is that he gave a customer attitude, as he is known to do. Either way, he certainly didn't exercise good judgment. If ever there was anyone who needed an attitude adjustment. He's always had an attitude problem. The problem? His attitude sucks. He shows no respect for anyone--teachers, elders, relatives, etc. I've told him countless times that when he gets out into the real world he's gonna have to lose the attitude or he'll be on welfare the rest of his life. Finally, at age 18, he got his first lesson. Hopefully he learns from it.
The Dolphins report to training camp on Sunday. Football season is right around the corner! While I'm stoked, this is the first season I can remember going into without high hopes. Every year I assumed we were going to the playoffs--it was just a matter of how far. Last season was devastating as a team with playoff hopes went 4-12, finishing with the second worst record in the league. But even if they go 4-12 again this year, at least I won't be disappointed. I'm not expecting much so there will be no broken heart, which is a good thing. I've had enough heartbreak for this year.
I have received additional pictures from Cancun and posted them here. You can view them in the photo album 'More Cancun' on the left.
So apparently the cock ring was a squirting, I mean smashing, success. My friend (name withheld to protect the guilty) tried his new apparatus last night and gave it two schlongs up. In all fairness he used it solo, but I'll pass along his review anyway. While he didn't notice any increase in size, he said he did last longer. In addition, his climax crept up out of nowhere, was more intense than usual, and the output was more like a super soaker than a squirt gun. I believe his exact words were it was "five times" more intense. Sounds like we might have something here. Although you might want to cover the headboard with a tarp when using one solo...
Now this is a talented writer...
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