Rocky Mountain Oysters anyone?

I'm still sick so during my lunch hour today I head to this Cuban place down the street from my office to pick up some chicken soup.  I order 2 quarts, 1 for lunch and 1 to take home for dinner, then take a seat at the counter.  While I'm waiting, I pass the time by looking over the lunch specials, which mercifully were in both Spanish and English.  I notice that one of the items was 'oxtail in creole sauce.'  I've gotta tell ya, one of the last parts I'd eat on an animal (after the genitals, of course) would be the tail.  I'm not sure why--maybe it's because when I think of a 'tail' I think of some whip-like appendage just above the stinking bunghole of a dirty animal used to swat away flies and other nuisances.  We've discussed this at work before and friend Bruce (from South Africa) swears oxtail is a delicacy; but then again, I don't think you would need more than 1 hand to count the things friend Bruce wouldn't eat.  I mean, not even going into the various offensive things he's brought in for lunch, he's not what one would call a 'picky' eater.  You know how there's the '5-second rule' applying to food that falls on the ground?  For Bruce it's the '5-hour rule.'  I've literally seen him walk around and pick up off the floor and eat stuff his kids dropped long after they left the office.  No wonder the Carrick's don't have a dog, they don't need one.  He's the one who cleans dropped or spilled foods off the floor--by eating it.  I'm just surprised he actually uses his hands to do so.

Anyways, so I'm sitting in this Cuban restaurant trying to think of the most repulsive thing I've ever eaten.  In my radio days I ate a couple of live meal worms, but passed on Cow Cod soup (a Jamaican dish made with bull penis), headcheese and SPAM.  When it comes to eating I don't fuck around.  I'm not eating pigs' feet, the organs of any animal, or anything that's name is an anagram for "spare parts and membranes."  I understand that hot dogs are probably made entirely of leftovers, but I've been eating and enjoying them my entire life, there's no turning back now.  Besides, I'm a Jew; I think we're required by law to eat them.

The most repulsive thing I've ever eaten was the result of a menu that WASN'T IN BOTH SPANISH & ENGLISH (fucking wetbacks)!  I was in Los Angeles during college and used to frequent these 'roach coaches' (kitchens on wheels) that were found on practically every block downtown.  They served awesome, authentic Mexican food (no sour cream, cheese or ground beef to be found) and I never got sick.  One day, I went to my favorite 'roach coach' and was in the mood to try something besides chicken or steak.  Mistake number 1 (why would you pass up chicken or steak, unless you were in a place that had seafood you knew was fresh?  Like they're gonna have veal on a mobile kitchen on the streets of downtown L.A.?).  From my limited Spanish, I knew that 'labios' was lips so that wasn't an option.  'Sesos y barbicoa' caught my eye, as I figured it must be barbecued something.  I attempted to ask the lady behind the counter what 'sesos y barbicoa' was but she didn't speak English and could offer me no help.  There was no one else in line, so I would get no answer.  But I was young, reckless and invulnerable back then so I said "fuck it, what's the worst it could be?"  I ordered 2 'sesos y barbicoa' burritos.  Mistake number 2 (don't EVER order something if someone cannot intelligibly explain what it is).

When I got back to my place I ate the burritos.  They weren't bad, in fact they were perfectly edible; but I didn't enjoy them as much as the chicken or steak so I knew I wouldn't be ordering them again.  Certainly not after I went back to this particular 'roach coach' the next time and found out what they were made of.  There happened to be a fella working the counter who could speak English, and out of curiosity I asked him what 'sesos y barbicoa' was.  "Brains" he replied.  "Excuse me?"  Once again, he said "brains, barbecued brains."  Suddenly I lost my appetite and didn't bring home food that evening.  And I never ate 'sesos y barbicoa' again.

Comments

[Rhi]

Oh GAG!!!!

I have been to several places ( I am about to go on my 3rd cruise) and I refuse to eat the food where we go. I will only eat on the ship. I have no desire to try something I cannot pronounce and have no idea what it is. I figure I can enjoy the culture in other ways.

[Creepy]

I'm willing to try new and exotic things, but I do have a line. The only way I'm eating tail or genitalia is in the bedroom.

[Rhi]

That actually made me LOL. But I agree 100%.

[Creepy]

Good, I'm here to amuse, in-between depressing and bumming out... LOL

[Rhi]

Your comment reminded me of something I say often about raw oysters. "the only thing salty and slimey going down my throat will have had a man attached to it"

[Creepy]

Your husband is a lucky man. But you're missing out on a delicacy! Oysters on the half shell, mmmm... Some lemon juice, a drop of cocktail sauce, a bit of horseradish, "slurp!"

[Rhi]

C'mon you know how it works, once you get married you stop doing all the tricks that got him to fall for you in the first place...LOL.

I love fried oysters, I just cannot bring myself to eat them raw.

[Creepy]

Oh, so he WAS a lucky man... LOL

You should give the raw oyster a try sometime. Just try one, it won't kill you. You'll thank me. Give it a squeeze of lemon, a dab of cocktail sauce, and a drop of horseradish (if you like) or hot sauce.