The Church of Lost Souls

Farewells

Today was my 6th funeral and they don't seem to get any easier.  This was friend Judi's mom's.  During the service the rabbi said the turnout for your funeral is the most accurate tribute to you.  I never met Marilyn but she must have been well liked as the room was full and many people were forced to stand.  I'd sure like that kind of tribute at my funeral.  The family all seems to be doing as well as can be expected -- I hope it stays that way.  Hopefully the funerals of other families serve as lessons for us, reminding us to cherish those we love while we have the chance.  Despite what they teach us in Sunday school no one lives forever...

Eden party

Now this looks more like utopia...

Random shit

My last post was my 400th.  Wish the subject matter could have been different...

I don't know if it's the mustache or what but I sure have cooled on the Gypsy.  Or it could be the kissing.  We have opposing styles of kissing and can't get into a rhythm.  Or maybe I'm just looking for things because something in my subconscience is driving me away from her...

Tomorrow will make 30 days without smoking.  For some reason it doesn't seem like anything to celebrate -- I'm not happy about it...

Good to see that Exxon had such a profitable quarter while we're paying out the ass for gasoline. Exxon's profit for 2005 was $36.13 billion -- bigger than the economies of 125 of the 184 countries ranked by the World Bank -- a 42 percent rise from 2004 (courtesy of Reuters).  They sure needed the tax breaks our republican friends gave them last year...

I wish I knew why I kept drinking my cup of coffee this morning even after noticing it tasted funny -- my stomach's been in knots ever since.  Fuckin' moron...

Here's a shocker: a study found that supporters of President Bush and other conservatives had stronger self-admitted and implicit biases against blacks than liberals did.  You don't say...

Mortality sucks

My generation (I'm 37) has entered a difficult phase of life, the one where our parents begin passing away.  Sure, people die at all ages, but our folks are in/have passed their late 60s, which is more common.  My friend Judi's mother, Marilyn, passed away Sunday morning.  They learned Wednesday the cancer had spread to her lungs and gave her 6 months at best.  Turns out they weren't close as she didn't make it 6 days.  On the bright side she didn't spend the next 6 months suffering, she passed in her sleep, and her condition had deteriorated noticeably enough that the family all had a chance to make their peace with her.  I guess that's the best you can hope for.  Unfortunately she's no stranger to mourning after burying her husband 4 years ago or so, but I don't think the experience will make this any easier.  Lean on your family and friends Jude, that's what we're here for.  We'll do anything we can to help you.  My deepest condolences...

   

Fun and games

Play CruciFun, good times for the entire family!

Nuff said

Proof That God Meant Us To Masturbate

Those who believe that masturbation is unnatural and ungodly should note the above diagram. This shows clearly and irrefuteably that God meant for us to masturbate. Years of painstaking research have gone into this finding. The proof lies in the length of the human arm. Whether through evolution or by direct design, God has ensured that the human arm is exactly the perfect length to reach the genitals (or "Rude Bits" as they are known in scientific circles). If God had not wanted us to masturbate, he'd have given us short arms like a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Courtesy of www.exexexchurch.com, a bitchin website...

Pencil Thin Mustache

Things sure have gotten interesting with the Gypsy.  We had dinner last night, our 3rd date, during which we had a nice conversation about our positions on various social and political issues.  Turns out I jumped the gun (not to mention to conclusions) on her political views -- she's not a right wing, republican asshole after all.  She voted for Bush in 2000, but not in 2004, and while a registered independent, she's actually what I would call a moderate liberal.  So I apologize for creating a bit of a scene here yesterday.  However, there was something else I learned last night that is almost as troubling as if she were a republican: she has a mustache.  Our first 2 dates took place in dark venues so this was the first chance I had to notice it.  And notice it I did; I couldn't take my eyes of it all night.

Ladies, how can you look in the mirror every day and not notice that you have a flavor saver above your top lip?  Or how can you see it but not think anything of it?  If I wanted to suck face with Magnum P.I. I'd go gay.  How the fuck can a woman walk around with a mustache?  Do they think it's a good look for them?  Do they think no one will notice?  Do they want to one day be able to wear a t-shirt that says 'Mustache Rides 5 cents'?  Someone please enlighten me...

And save your breath Sad, I love you man and always appreciate your advice (you don't pull punches and aren't afraid to say what needs to be said, a rare and refreshing quality), but please don't tell me I am being too picky or unreasonable here. 

So what do I do now?  We've cleared up the political issues and there are no other hurdles between us.  But I can't say "you know you'd really look better without that mustache."  I brought this up during lunch today and Shrek told me he once dated a gal who had this problem and after seeing her for a month asked "have you ever thought about waxing your upper lip?"  My balls ain't that big.  Help!

   

Homoerotic messiah

"Peter, would you be a dear and rub some lotion on me?  Thanks sweetie."

Is it Friday yet?

Things are a bit uneasy between the Gypsy and I after last night's conversation about politics during which I learned she might a bit too conservative for me.  We are meeting for dinner tonight and will talk about it further, since last night she wouldn't delve too deep because she "didn't feel like defending herself."  Call me a hard ass, but I'm not getting involved with a fucking republican.  I prefer my women to be compassionate, tolerant, unselfish, and sympathetic to the plight of those less fortunate.  Not to mention I have a thing against fascism.  So we'll eat, have a few drinks, and explain where we stand on social issues.  Should be fun.

Regardless, I'm still in great spirits after receiving my settlement check last night.  I'm gonna get lasik eye surgery, new speakers for my home theater system, and some cool art.  I'll probably finally buy an Xbox 360 as well.  On top of that, I received the talking Brian from 'Family Guy' I bought on eBay:

 

Among other things, he says "Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here!" It doesn't suck to be me today.