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February 28, 2006

Pickiness and big pussies

Man, Mom sure wasn't happy I stopped seeing the Gypsy.  Her exact words when I told her: "fuck off."  Love you too Mother.  She really wants to see me married, and liked the fact that the Gypsy was so Jewish.  After telling me to "fuck off" she said at 37 I can't afford to be so picky.  But is that accurate?  Is that reasonable?  Don't we owe it to ourselves to not just settle for someone we like yet doesn't make our toes tingle?  Is it better to be with someone you're not gaga over than to be single?  After all, I'm not getting any younger...

Speaking of pussy, I've now got 3 of them in my home and I'm still not getting laid.  My friend Amy is going out of town and I agreed to watch her cat, Karma, for her.  That makes 3 female cats under my roof.  None of them have any claws so there won't be any bloodshed, but it certainly should be interesting.  No fireworks yet, just some hissing and spitting.  In case you haven't seen my girls, they were runts that got left behind; they're tiny little things.  But this cat is like Jabba the fucking Hut -- she's twice their size and weight, with an enormous belly that almost touches the floor when she walks.  I'm gonna have to borrow a scale to weigh this fat fuck.  This would be the perfect cat for Shrek...   

February 27, 2006

Hmmm...

The bar has been set sisters...

Uncle Satan

Greatsatan 

**click on image to enlarge**

Monday mish mash

It's pretty fuckin' stupid that I have to pay $35 to see my shrink when all we do is bullshit.  Today's topics: me quitting smoking, my Paxil lawsuit check and my love life.  It's like talking to a friend I haven't spoken to in a while -- I just sort of catch him up on things, there's no actual therapy involved.  But in order to keep the meds coming I have to go see him every 2 months or so.  Couldn't I just check in by phone..?

As far as my love life, the Gypsy is out but there's already another gal on deck.  We'll call her 'the Heathen', as under 'Religion' in her profile she put 'not religious', and after seeing pictures of my tattoos said "I really like the red devil one."  Now that's a far cry from the Throat, who asked why I had tattoos with such "negative connotations."  From her photos she's attractive enough, but like seemingly every other young lady I've dated in the past year she's 5'8".  What do women eat these days?  Are there any under 5'4" out there??? 

The 'celebrity deaths come in threes' hypothesis rang true again as actor Dennis Weaver of 'McCloud' and 'Gentle Ben' is dead, joining Don Knotts and Darren McGavin.  Not sure why that is, but more often than not it is.  And these three were all relatively young, each in their early 80s, not exactly favorites in any ghoul pool (especially with Bob Barker and Abe Vigoda still around).  What was it with Dennis Weaver and cowboy hats?  Practically every role he played his character wore a cowboy hat; he even wore them in commercials...

'Gentle Ben'.  That was a pretty cool show, although highly unrealistic, as proven by the documentary I watched last night called "Grizzly Man."  It was about a bear activist who spent 13 summers in the Alaskan wilderness with grizzly bears.  In his last letter he wrote:

"My transformation complete—a fully accepted wild animal—brother to these bears. I run free among them—with absolute love and respect for all the animals. I am kind and viciously tough."

But apparently not tough enough, as he and his girlfriend were killed and eaten by a bear, the events recorded by the microphone of his camera for posterity.  I'm all for conservation and animal husbandry, but living amongst the largest land predators in North America with no protection whatsoever isn't exactly ingenious...

Good news for all Shrek fans: he started working out, and despite his calves being freakishly large he's working them out as well so they should become even more ridiculously ginormous.  He'll have to have his pants made custom to fit his calves.  After only 3 weeks he's maxed out -- the calf machine doesn't have enough weight for him.  He's gonna have to hang cinder blocks from it to increase the amount of weight he can lift.  Gotta love Shrek.  Fuckin' mutant...

Calves_2 

Although I've gotta give the big guy credit, he sure makes a cute kid.  Take a look at Shrek II:

Sean 

February 26, 2006

This and that

Things are over between the Gypsy and I.  We had a talk last night and I told her I wasn't interested in the same future she was (she was looking for children and a fella to sit by her side in synagogue -- I'm undecided about kids but leaning heavily away from them and want no part of organized religion).  She replied that she knew this after our first date and didn't believe in wasting time with someone you know you have no long-term future with but was "intrigued in me as a person."  So it went as well as could be expected.  She's really a good kid, I don't think she'll have trouble finding 'Mr. Right'; as long as he kisses in the same style as she does...

Was stiffed by my tattoo artist again yesterday.  Actually, this time it was his appointment booker.  I called him on Monday and made an appointment for "Saturday at 4:00."  I showed up yesterday with a Coke and box of Milk Duds to have them tell me my appointment was NEXT Saturday.  They even showed me the entry in the appointment book for March 4th.  I guess I misunderstood -- when someone says "Saturday" you shouldn't assume it is for the next available Saturday.  Fuckin' douchebags.  NEXT Saturday is their last chance...

Speaking of Milk Duds, have you ever thrown them in the fridge?  Eating them becomes like trying to eat flubber -- it's almost an effort in futility to get them down your gullet.  And if you're wasted like I was last night, you aren't deterred one bit: you grab another handful and throw them in your mouth, only to struggle mightily again...

Apparently I'm in the minority, but could someone please explain the obsession with 'American Idol'?  I wouldn't watch it if forced at gunpoint...

The Olympics are coming to an end.  Has anyone noticed?  The only viewing I did was curling of all things -- I was amazed this is a sport, let alone an Olympic sport, and was hypnotized by the absurdity of it.  Anything involving brooms should not be considered a sport or event.  How do people get involved in this?  Are there actually kids growing up who say "one day I'm gonna be an Olympic curler," then spend years of their lives sliding rocks on ice and sweeping with brooms in hopes of making their country's team?  Do these people use being on the Olympic curling team while trying to pick up chicks?  Can you imagine: "Oh really, you're competing in the Olympics for Team USA!  What event will you be competing in?  Curling, what's curling?"  And if curling is good enough to be an Olympic event, why not shuffleboard, horse shoes or lawn darts...

Actor Darren McGavin died this weekend.  Not the biggest star out there, but his contributions to my entertainment and life cannot be denied: Carl Kolchak in the TV show 'Kolchak: the Night Stalker" and the Dad in "A Christmas Story".  And Don Knotts' death is getting all the headlines.  Thanks for all the good times DMG.  "Fra-gee-ley, it must be Italian."

50 

February 25, 2006

Marriage Contract

And people say I'm picky...

February 24, 2006

The man behind the mask

Bush_nazi1

Thanks Rhi!!!

February 23, 2006

Muslims vs. free speech

Why do cartoons always seem to make the most sense (probably not safe for work)?

Vocabulary lesson

im•be•cile – noun, 1) person who repeatedly votes for Republicans under the misguided presumption that safety and security are top priorities. 2) One who forfeits freedom and democracy for the illusion of financial gain. 3) Someone who believes no atrocity has ever been committed, unless personally affected.

('borrowed' from http://lafirst.org/WordPress/?p=60)

A good laugh

And a burning question...  (not safe for work)

February 22, 2006

Drunken ramblings

Ahhh, inebriation.  Nothing like a drunken stupor to change your mood and outlook on life.  If only I could have a cigarette (or 20) right now...

I hate my fucking job.  I didn't always hate it, but since they decided I didn't play nicely with clients and neutered me I'm nothing more than a do boy.  As in "Steve, would you please do for me what I could have done in the time it took me to type you an e-mail asking you to do it?"  But even when I didn't hate it, it was never exciting.  During dinner last night my friend Amy, who is a crime scene investigator, told me about a fatal traffic accident she worked yesterday.  The impact of the head-on crash was so awesome the poor victim's brain was forced through the back of her head and ended up in the back seat.  Now that's a job where there's never a dull day at the office...

People are amusing.  Sometimes your average person is more entertaining than anything they could write in Hollywood.  I have a friend who decided the fucking psych ward of a hospital was a good place to meet members of the opposite sex.  While this friend was in there they met someone and apparently thought soulmates can be found anywhere, even in a place where they take your shoelaces so you don't fucking hang yourself.  Needless to say it didn't work out between the two, which is a shame, as I was really looking forward to wearing a straight jacket to the wedding...

Then there's this other friend of mine who's quite the stoner.  Lately, this friend has made habit of calling me way past bedtime, and I'm no early bird.  When confronted this friend claimed they had no idea it was so late because they "haven't been wearing their glasses."  So, I guess their new thing is smoking enormous quantities of pot without their glasses on and chilling in a total blur of vision.  Never thought about trying that when I was in college looking for a new high...

Fuck off

My string of bad luck continued when I stopped at another comic store on the way home from work to pick up the items the store by work didn't have.  Seeing as how things have gone the past day or so I called ahead of time to make sure it wasn't a wasted trip.  When I got there they had the 2 comics and Bane action figure I wanted, but only took cash, which I didn't have enough of in my wallet.  The nearest ATM was in a laundromat down the block, which of course was out of service, so I had to get back in the car and go to the second nearest ATM.  Yeah, I finally got what I was looking for, but I had to visit 2 stores and 2 ATMs.  No big deal, but when you throw it on top of everything else that's happened the past 34 hours or so...

Although I did provide myself a little amusement at the office, as evidenced by Shrek's computer:

Wallpaper 

And I stopped by Shrek's supervisor 'Chuckles' office as his ghetto conference table never fails to put a smile on my face (notice how no two of the chairs around it are alike):

Ghetto_conf_table 

(click on image to enlarge)

When life hands you lemons, make a pitcher of lemonade.  Then add Jack Daniel's and make 'Lynchburg Lemonade'.  It's all about self-medication brothers and sisters.  Can I get a "hallelujah motherfucker..." 

Keep your distance

I'm in a foul fucking mood.  Wasn't it just last week I posted how good things were and that I should enjoy it while it lasts?  Well, after a brief hiatus reality has reared its ugly head -- this has been arguably the worst 24 hours I can recall.  After receiving my $133.50 ticket from the Fascist Hardassed Prick trooper yesterday I got my income tax refund; or at least half of it.  They sent me half of what I expected to get. (Maybe that's my fine for daring to question an authority figure.)  Last night I was meeting a friend I hadn't seen in ages for dinner.  Her choice: Wings 'n Curls.  I know of at least 2 places with much better wings within a couple of miles, but she really wanted to go there so I agreed.  Before I even left for the restaurant I got into a spat with the Gypsy because I hadn't asked to see her yet after returning from France.  She'd been back less than a full day, but silly me, how could I have not known better then to have made plans with her by then.  I go to meet my friend, and of course the wings sucked.  And it's hard to fuck up chicken wings.  Today I overslept, and when I did wake up I had a raging hard on, so I tried to rub one out in the shower.  Naturally, 'Little Creepy' was in the mood for a marathon yank session which would have made me much later for work then I would already be so I had to stop prematurely.  Nothing like quitting in the middle of masturbating...  At work the Gypsy continued to annoy me with e-mails about 'us'.  When lunchtime finally came I had an opportunity to take a break and go to the comic store.  But I get there to find this jackass didn't have the comic I needed that came out today, the older comic I needed he told me last week he would pick up for me, or the really cool new Batman action figures that came out today.  Basically I drove there for nothing.  I get in my car to drive back to work and my air conditioning doesn't come on, the same problem I had the dealer fix like 6 months ago.  And my air conditioning couldn't have quit during the past 2 weeks when it was  mild down here, no, it quit when it's back in the 80s in February.  That's right: it's in the 80s here in February.  How can anybody of right mind move to this god forsaken climate?  Do people actually find pleasure in heat, humidity, sweat and swamp ass?  Finally, I get back to the office and heat up a Healthy Choice meal for lunch, which couldn't have possibly been any less satisfying.  I should climb back in the sweatmobile, drive to the comic store, kill the comic store guy and eat him for lunch...

Somebody call the Church and tell them to have a Jack on the rocks waiting for me when I get home.  I'm getting liquored up tonight... 

Unadulterated incompetence

Who's Counting Bush's Mistakes?

By Stephen Pizzo, News for Real.  Posted February 20, 2006.

Given how ambitious and wide-ranging the incompetence of this administration has been, it's high time we started keeping track of its many failures.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, "The louder he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons." And no administration in U.S. history has spoken louder, or as often, of its honor.

So let us count our spoons.

Emergency Management: They completely failed to manage the first large-scale emergency since 9/11. Despite all their big talk and hundreds of billions of dollars spent on homeland security over the past four years, this administration proved itself stunningly incompetent when faced with an actual emergency. (Katrina Relief Funds Squandered)

Fiscal Management: America is broke. No wait, we're worse than broke. In less than five years these borrow and spend-thrifts have nearly doubled our national debt, to a stunning $8.2 trillion. These are not your father's Republicans who treated public dollars as though they were an endangered species. These Republicans waste money in ways and in quantities that make those old tax and spend liberals of yore look like tight-fisted Scots.

This administration is so incompetent that you can just throw a dart at the front page of your morning paper and whatever story of importance it hits will prove my point.

Katrina relief: Eleven thousand spanking new mobile homes sinking into the Arkansas mud. Seems no one in the administration knew there were federal and state laws prohibiting trailers in flood zones. Oops. That little mistake cost you $850 million -- and counting.

Medicare Drug Program: This $50 billion white elephant debuted by trampling many of those it was supposed to save. The mess forced states to step in and try to save its own citizens from being killed by the administration's poorly planned and executed attempt to privatize huge hunks of the federal health safety net.

Afghanistan: Good managers know that in order to pocket the gains of a project, you have to finish it. This administration started out fine in Afghanistan. They had the Taliban and al Queda on the run and Osama bin Laden trapped in a box canyon. Then they were distracted by a nearby shiney object -- Iraq. We are now $75 billion out of pocket in Afghanistan and its sitting president still rules only within the confines of the nation's capital. Tribal warlords, the growing remnants of the Taliban and al Qaeda call the shots in the rest of the county.

Iraq: This ill-begotten war was supposed to only cost us $65 billion. It has now cost us over $300 billion and continues to suck $6 billion a month out of our children's futures. Meanwhile the three warring tribes Bush "liberated" are using our money and soldiers' lives to partition the country. The Shiites and Kurds are carving out the prime cuts while treating the once-dominant Sunnis the same way the Israelis treat the Palestinians, forcing them onto Iraq's version of Death Valley. Meanwhile Iran is increasingly calling the shots in the Shiite region as mullahs loyal to Iran take charge. (More)

Iran: The administration not only jinxed its Afghanistan operations by attacking Iraq, but also provided Iran both the rationale for and time to move toward nuclear weapons. The Bush administration's neocons' threats to attack Syria next only provided more support for religious conservatives within Iran who argued U.S. intentions in the Middle East were clear, and that only the deterrent that comes with nuclear weapons could protect them.

North Korea: Ditto. Also add to all the above the example North Korea set for Iran. Clearly once a country possesses nukes, the U.S. drops the veiled threats and wants to talk.

Social Programs: It's easier to get affordable -- even free -- American-style medical care, paid for with American dollars, if you are injured in Iraq, Afghanistan or are victims of a Pakistani earthquake, than if you live and pay taxes in the good old U.S.A. Nearly 50 million Americans can't afford medical insurance. Nevertheless the administration has proposed a budget that will cut $40 billion from domestic social programs, including health care for the working poor. The administration is quick to say that those services will be replaced by its "faith-based" programs. Not so fast...

"Despite the Bush administration's rhetorical support for religious charities, the amount of direct federal grants to faith-based organizations declined from 2002 to 2004, according to a major new study released yesterday....The study released yesterday "is confirmation of the suspicion I've had all along, that what the faith-based initiative is really all about is de-funding social programs and dumping responsibility for the poor on the charitable sector," said Kay Guinane, director of the nonprofit advocacy program at OMB Watch.." (More)

The Military: Overused and over-deployed.

Former Defense Secretary William Perry and former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright warned in a 15-page report that the Army and Marine Corps cannot sustain the current operational tempo without "doing real damage to their forces." ... Speaking at a news conference to release the study, Albright said she is "very troubled" the military will not be able to meet demands abroad. Perry warned that the strain, "if not relieved, can have highly corrosive and long-term effects on the military. (More)

With military budgets gutted by the spiraling costs of operations in Iraq and Afghanistan, the administration has requested funding for fewer National Guard troops in fiscal 2007 -- 17,000 fewer. Which boggles the sane mind since, if it weren't for reserve/National Guard, the administration would not have had enough troops to rotate forces in and out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Nearly 40 percent of the troops sent to those two countries were from the reserve and National Guard.

The Environment: Here's a little pop quiz: What happens if all the coral in the world's oceans dies? Answer: Coral is the first rung on the food-chain ladder; so when it goes, everything else in the ocean dies. And if the oceans die, we die.

The coral in the world's oceans are dying (called "bleaching") at an alarming and accelerating rate. Global warming is the culprit. Nevertheless, this administration continues as the world's leading global warming denier. Why? Because they seem to feel it's more cost effective to be dead than to force reductions in greenhouse gas emissions. How stupid is that? And time is running out.

Trade: We are approaching a $1 trillion annual trade deficit, most of it with Asia, $220 billion with just China -- just last year.

Energy: Record high energy prices. Record energy company profits. Dick Cheney's energy task force meetings remain secret. Need I say more?

Consumers: Americans finally did it last year -- they achieved a negative savings rate. (Folks in China save 10 percent, for contrast.) If the government can spend more than it makes and just say "charge it" when it runs out, so can we. The average American now owes $9,000 to credit card companies. Imagine that.

Human Rights: America now runs secret prisons and a secret judicial system that would give Kafka fits. And the U.S. has joined the list of nations that tortures prisioners of war. (Shut up George! We have pictures!)

I could go on for another 1,000 words listing the stunning incompetence of the Bush administration and its GOP sycophants in Congress. But what's the use? No seems to give a fig. The sun continues to shine in this fool's paradise. House starts were up in January. The stock market is finally back over 11,000.

But don't bother George W. Bush with any of this. While seldom right, he is never in doubt. Doubt is Bush's enemy. Worry? How can he worry when he has no doubts?

Me? Well, I worry about all the above, all the time. But in particular, I worry about coral.

Stephen Pizzo is the author of numerous books, including "Inside Job: The Looting of America's Savings and Loans," which was nominated for a Pulitzer.

From AlterNet (http://www.alternet.org/story/32382/)

Big surprise

Nothing like a government run by a couple of drunks...