Thanks for the mammaries

I was tagged by the top heavy Rima from "A Chocoholic’s Piece of Mind" to "post about boobs (or a body part of your choice)," but what's more fun than tits?  While the eyes are my favorite feature of a woman, snatches are divine, and I love me a big butt, knockers are just plain heartwarming.  They never fail to put a smile on my face.  And god knows I, like every other half-alive straight man, can't keep my eyes off of them.

One day at work I walked into the office of a well-endowed female co-worker who happened to be wearing a tight sweater.  (If you don't want us to check out your milk wagons buy better fitting sweaters, ladies.)  My eyes were immediately drawn to her chest, as if drawn there by some sort of tractor beam.  She noticed, picked up some papers from her desk to obscure my view, then chided me for staring at her sweater meat.  As if I had any control over my eyes when fabric is pulled taut across a pair of hooters.  I'm only human, for fuck's sake. 

I shared the story with friend Bruce, who that night shared it with his wife.  During lunch the next day he told us she backed me up, opining that men can't help themselves, and adding that she had caught friends of his in a wide-eyed gape at her rack.  When he asked her to name names, the first one off her tongue was our co-worker Shrek, a Jehovah's Witness, and the most pious person I know.  If he's ogling his friend's wife's jugs what chance do the rest of us have?

Dairy pillows make the world go round.  That's why I don't get male-on-male homosexuality.  Sure, you've got a sex organ on another fella, and orifices to insert it as well as other items, but you've got no melons to play with.  It would be like driving a car with no stereo to listen to.  Sure, that car will get you where you need to go, but the ride is nowhere near as satisfying without tunes.  Something would be missing.

And I don't get this obsession with big breasts.  Sure, I love big cans as much as the next guy, but what's wrong with small ones?  Are they gonna be weighed in when you're finished?  I'm an equal opportunity fun bag lover; I like 'em big, small, round, pointy, banana-shaped, fried egg style, porno silver dollared, you name it.  Put a nipple on it and call me happy.  Take 'em out of those pesky clothes and call me very, very happy.

Comments

[Larry "The Snake Guy"]

Rather than disrupt your world by agreeing with you again, I'll share my best boob story. :)

My girlfriend has a friend who happens to have particularly large breasts. The three of us were having dinner out one night after a movie, when somehow the conversation somehow turned to what happens when we eat too much.

The friend said something close to "whenever I eat too much, it all goes to my breasts." (She was completely serious.)

It took every ounce of self-control I had, to keep a straight face and not push my plate towards her. Luckily my self-preservation instincts kicked...

[Creepy]

LOL Was there an awkward silence following her declaration?

[rima fauzi]

Thanks for writing this!
I also dont get the male's obsession with big boobs. For them, it's all sex, for us, it's backpain.
It's nice to see a guy who likes boobs in whatever shape. Although square boobs would be a bit strange..

[Rob]

It is nice to hear that Jehovah's Witnesses also have a thing for breasts.

I am a thigh man myself.

[Slaygirl]

HA! That is halarious! Yes, you have always presented as an equal opportunity breast guy. I did not know there were so many names for them though. It is interesting to delve into the male mind. You know guys are thinking this stuff but they dont say it out loud or will deny it even while they are doing it. Yes it is human nature, I have had it happen to me on many occassions, whatever, but when a conversation is had and a person is talking to your breasts the entire time it is annoying. Like *snap snap* "Hey, I'm up here".

[Larry "The Snake Guy"]

"Was there an awkward silence following her declaration?"

Honestly, I don't remember. Knowing her, that wasn't the strangest thing she said that night...

"but when a conversation is had and a person is talking to your breasts the entire time it is annoying."

Yeah, we have the advantage of not having anything that distracting near our faces. Imagine if we carried our equipent in the middle of our chests...and well endowed guys liked to wear tight shirts that exposed the first few inches. I imagine that would be distracting for at least a few women. But then most guys probably wouldn't complain too much about the attention I bet. :)

[Creepy]

Rima: put nipples on square boobs, put them on a woman and they're alright in my book.

Rob: oh yeah, can't forget thighs. I have to literally control myself when between a pair of nice thighs so I don't clamp down with my jaws and take a nice bite out of them. Mmmm.

And hips fucking rule. And nice feet are very underrated.

Slay: it's instinct, we can't help but look at chests. Don't hold it against us. Scratch that, please do hold your chest against us.

Larry: for my own curiousity (as well as your fan base), where do you stand on boob size?

[Larry "The Snake Guy"]

Similar to what you said. I guess I have preferences, but they're more about shape than size.

[Miss Smack]

I truly laughed and laughed during this post.

Particularly liked the line "It would be like driving a car with no stereo to listen to."

You always make me laugh!

PS. I'll send you a pic of my boobs!

xx

[Kylie ...]

I was directed here by Miss Smack's latest post.

Very, very funny.

I think "put a nipple on it and call me happy" was my favourite line in the entire post.

[travistee]

Hello - visiting from Smack...
As a woman, who is not into women, even I can't help but stare at other tight t-shirted women...
I don't want to touch, but it is fun to admire.

[Creepy]

Evidently everyone loves boobies! And what's not to love!?! And women obviously are trying to draw attention to their melons when wearing tight shirts/sweaters.